Wedding Night
Kinda boring, eh?
We're waiting for the airplane right now.
I thought I could have a little chit-chat with you so that the time would pass faster.
As you can see everybody pretends to be deaf. Sometimes it happens in the movies.
My name's Claire. And this is my mother and my husband, Gaston.
I'm Nicolas' sister - he's sitting right over there.
He's supposed to marry Florence. They look wonderful together, don't they?
I applied them for the "A dream wedding under Niagara Falls" competition.
They've won so now we're going there all together: All of the relatives, friends;
and - guess what - the organizers cover all the costs!
They didn't know I had applied them. It was me who told them they had won!
We're getting married!
I like to make people happy.
But only if she's not hungry and her sugar level is normal.
Gaston! You were not supposed to hear me!
Talking about Florence and Nicolas, their situation is a little bit more complicated.
And here goes another one!
- They even got to know each other a little bit... - Yeah, come on, everybody let's talk!
It was a torrid, stifling summer day.
Flashback!
Your partners really liked the way you used the skylights.
I do believe in the current project;
but if you'll continue to insist, I'll withdraw.
Right with my project.
So please go find another architect.
Florence, you've just opened your office!
Think about your reputation. Call back and tell him you were drunk.
I think I can accept some compromises. I'll make that call.
Nah, I can't. Don't let me call. I'm not going to be so mild!
All right. We'll talk next week.
And?
He apologized and told me I was right. He will let me do whatever I find important.
We've got to celebrate this. I'm buying.
Chantal could have been a woman of my life.
But she tried to kill you.
She only set fire to the coach. She was simply passionate.
You were sleeping on that coach! She's just nuts.
But she really had the butts!
I can't find my wallet.
Here it is! Excuse me.
Maryse called me.
- Florence? - Nah.
- How come? - Wrong number.
Maryse?
- Wasn't that the girl who belonged to a sect? - Yeah, that's her.
If you could only see her ass!
I can't understand you. I would never engage in such a relationship.
Aren't you fed up with it? All life asses and asses!
That's not a wrong number. I want to talk to Florence.
There's no Florence in here.
- Tiresome guy. - Kinda.
That's not my cell phone!
Hello?
- Am I talking to Florence? - Yes. Who is it?
- Nicolas. - I think we may have swapped our mobiles.
Where are you?
I won't tell you, I don't know you. Or maybe you're a psycho?
There are many stereotypes about psychos.
We're nice but there's nobody who could understand us.
- Who is it? - A psycho.
Do you have a boyfriend?
We weren't introduced to each other.
I'm Bernard Despins, Florence's brother, a dentist.
That's my wife, Genevieve Champagne, Italian furniture importer.
- Nicolas brought her the phone. - Florence was charmed.
And then the problem emerged.
Not a big one, to tell the truth.
But back then, she was walking out with Jean-Michel for real.
What a cute boy!
That's not a wrong number. I want to talk to Florence.
Cute? I'd rather say he was boring and egocentric.
It's Jean-Michel.
Always concentrated on himself.
Enough of this. Pass the phone to Florence.
We can keep on crabbing him. We won't see him any more in the movie anyway.
Simone and Jules, Florence's parents.
I'm confounded, Jean-Michel is exactly my type.
Well, maybe a little stiff and he still hasn't asked for her hand.
For her hand! Such a modern girl like you!
You've got to accept it: I'm a post feminist.
- And I'm a postpostfeminist. - You mean?
I dropped the whole idea but kept the nastiness.
When I got to know Nicolas I felt something I hadn't felt for a terribly long time.
There's such a vigor, energy in him...
And that mobile swapping thing must have been kind of an omen.
- I don't know what to do. - Forget the guys and get yourself a dog.
At least the golden retriever won't destroy your flat,
contrary to an average guy.
Where were you?
I'm sorry, Mireille had an urging matter.
I'm stressed because I'm going to have a supper with Florence. She's an architect.
And you are a computer games' idea provider. Sounds good, I think.
Maybe for a I 2-year-old, but not for a 30-year-old Mrs. Architect.
I've got to find out as much as I can about architecture.
You're going to eat there, not to design.
But what am I going to talk to her about? I'm no good at the architecture.
What if she suddenly starts to talk about entrance gates?
I don't even know what it is!
h my whole life I haven't met a person who would have known as much as you do about the entrance gates.
Architecture is my passion.
What's your favorite style?
There's so many of them...
When you start learning the architecture you see only styles.
You think that: Well, finally I know all the styles, and - bang - there emerges another one
and another one. Like a Russian doll in which you can put a smaller one.
- Which one do you like the most? - Me?
Well, if you're insisting then I can answer your question. I think so...
...I like the entrance style.
As you can see, I don't know anything about the architecture.
I just wanted to make an impression on you.
Did I succeed?
Fifty-fifty.
How can I impress the latter?
I don't know.
- Surprise me. - You want me to surprise you?
I've really had a nice time with you.
So have I.
Now I'm going to tell you something I've already mentioned to many guys - but, this time it's for real.
- I've got a very urgent job to do for tomorrow morning. - Oh, I get it.
- I've problems with stopping. - Oh, I'm sorry.
Don't be.
Maybe I could go with you and take a look at you working?
Look at me working?
No...
Besides, the northern facade is removed.
Sorry for interrupting. Do you know
how lucky you are due to the fact you work with as talented person as Florence?
Do you? Well, fine.
- I'm not done with him. - He disconnected anyway.
Hand me the phone.
Soon Jean-Michel was gone.
Nicolas and Florence have been meeting for a year,
and then, thanks to me...
We're getting married!
- Not so fast. - Now that's a way too big shortcut.
- That's even more complicated. - Seriously, Claire!
Yeah, whatever, support them if you want!
Good morning. I'm Robert, Nicolas' brother.
- To Dimitrey, my friend. - Hi.
They're all right.
At first it was a real passion.
But well, you know, after a year...
That's my new shirt.
Hang on. It's an important project.
Let's go to the bedroom.
Nicolas?
How would you like your life to shape in the upcoming five years?
Now that's a tricky question.
I'd like to have my own company and my first very own computer game.
Wrong answer.
What about your private life?
I see us living together.
- Great! - Let's change the topic.
I'd like to have my own company, be married and maybe have some children.
I don't believe in marriage.
And then everything got complicated.
She was for a stable relationship and he was satisfied with the way the things had been back then.
The more he wanted not to get married, the more passionate she was about doing so.
- A wedding was slowly becoming her drug. - We had even been thinking about going to a psychologist.
She had even been trying on wedding skirts when nobody was watching.
That was her way to lose stress.
But after some time people started to recognize her in the shops.
- Their problem is quite simple. - They've got different views on love.
I love him. I bet it's not the actual problem.
I don't doubt it.
I love Florence.
I want him to love me as much as I love him
But when I hear her talking about love written with...
...an uppercase L or about a feeling...
...that can last forever... ... I don't believe him.
- I don't believe her. - I can't withdraw that issue.
I'm not capable of getting married.
First of all, a wedding equals costs, besides it's not fumy at all.
I want him so much to finally start to trust me.
Every priest should say: Till boredom do you part, instead of:
Till death do you part.
But due to the fact they don't, I'm off the train.
I want a relationship that gets stronger and stronger as the time passes.
I want exactly the same thing my parents have
and you guys do.
- We have it? - Sure we do.
Good to know that.
- Florence is a romantic type. - But she's got guts.
Because of Nicolas not being able to get engaged in the relationship, she was close to dumping him.
We've got to talk.
What, again?
And then I entered the stage just like a charity angel.
You've won!!
They were both happy.
- Damn, it's your sister again! - Well, maybe she'll give up on trying.
The best present I was ever given was their reaction
when I explained them the details.
Niagara Falls?
You're going to get married in a wonderful wedding chapel, all filled with flowers.
But why Niagara Falls!
You can even invite your whole family and friends for free.
I don't want to go there. Besides...
Agreed. We're getting married.
According to Nicolas, Niagara Falls gave
the marriage that sort of taste of irony he was lacking up to then.
But I personally think he was simply crazy about Florence.
- Do you want to get married to me? - Yes.
- Are you sure? - I am.
But it's going to take place at Niagara Falls...
You were selected out of I 0,000 couples.
- Maybe that's some sort of an omen? - Might be.
Is that wedding chapel really nice?
The most romantic in the whole city.
We're getting married!
But then Nicolas started to feel overpowered.
He started to think whether he had not been trying to do something silly.
Nah! It's just tiny doubts. Casual.
Passenger Claire Desjardins is asked to come to the gate number I4.
They're already gone.
If you're interested in hearing the whole story come with me.
Repeating for the last time.
Passenger Claire Desjardins is asked to come to the gate number I4.
Keep your fingers crossed!
There's two of us and they gave us only one bed.
Do they think that if there are two guys ordering a room together then they are certainly gay?
- But, you do remember that we are gay? - They don't know about it!
Well, maybe we are school mates or we simply don't want to overpay?
Would you rather be taken for a queer or for an idiot?
We've just received information that a double-bedded room is now available.
Robert, can you take care of mom?
- Now don't start the whole thing all over again. - What's the matter?
I wasn't given the peanuts in the airplane. You know how much I love them.
Why didn't you ask the stewardesses about them then? They gave me two plastic boxes.
A husband should always order peanuts for her wife if she had just gone to the toilet.
And who's the one that always goes to the toilet right before they give the peanuts?
I am!
You know very well that I've got bladder pushes on heights.
- You could have always given me yours. - I can buy you a whole box of peanuts!
That's not the same!
Everybody stop! We miss one suitcase.
- I miss one too. - We'll find them using deduction.
Where would I be if I were a suitcase?
There's the lovely contest winners. Congratulations and welcome.
If everyone else could just scootch in a little bit more that would be great.
Welcome to the Grand Hotel. My name be Betsy
and I be a personal assistant of an assistant of the promotional director.
I do speaking French.
- We lost our suitcases. - Yes, I do speaking French.
We've got a problem. All the rooms will be ready in two hours.
What are we supposed to do then?
That's just a slight delay. We'll cope with it.
We'll split up into three groups: A blue one, a red one, and a green one.
The blue one will consist of: Dad, mom, Dimitrey, Michelle, Genevieve and Bernard
and they will supervise the hotel organization.
You'll take care of the baggage as well.
- Can't we be together? - No.
The red one will consist of: Nicolas, his mom, Claire, Gaston and me - we'll take care of the wedding chapel.
We'll make sure that everything is ready for the wedding.
The green one will be: Marc and Lara - they get on everyone's nerves,
so they'll simply go play with each other into a corner.
- Superb! - Any questions?
We've got two hours. Let's get down to work!
And here's that girl that's getting married in a moment.
Blue guys - silence.
Welcome.
Hey, look!
- That's impossible! - Is that Gary's wedding chapel?
That must be some sort of a joke!
- I'm sorry! Wrong address. - Just what I thought.
Much better.
They've got everything you need.
Okay, what I need for all of you to do is to come a little bit closer together.
- That's it! - Do you know anything about our suitcases?
Yes, I do speaking French. Okay, contest winners, I need big contest winning smile! Say cheese!
It's not flashing.
Oh, there we go, that was perfect.
They provide you with potato salads recipes 24/7 on this TV channel.
Incredible. Why is there nothing similar at our place?
Hang on.
- What are you doing? - They advise to do so in the magazines.
It's been scientifically proven that happy people
have fresher breath than the unhappy ones.
How did they prove it?
Mister, You're happy.
- But you certainly aren't. - Stupid!
Do you understand that we're finally getting married?
I wonder where it is.
- Are you ready? - Ready?
I've never waited for more than four weeks for it to happen.
But now, as we got to know each other, it's going to get better.
- Aren't you going to undress? - Sure.
- What? - Nice ass, baby.
Thanks. I got it after my parents.
Every bum after each one of them.
For Florence and Nicolas!
How do you feel when your best friend's soon going to get married?
I tried appealing to her common sense but...
- Stop that. - So your idea of marriage...
- No, thanks. - It's a great thing for me.
At last somebody who's romantic. If only you were more similar to my brother.
- Don't you feel disturbed by being alone? - Not at all.
I don't get it.
If you don't want to be disturbed by it you've got to know how to live alone.
I know how to do it. Say - I'm fine when I'm alone, am I not?
- I don't know, I'm not with you then. - You're right!
- Do you at least believe in love? - Testing question.
You should not ask me about it but the young couple.
Nicolas, do you believe in love?
- Now what's that question for anyway? - I'm serious. Answer it.
It's not that difficult.
Answer it.
I guess so. I'm getting married, right?
What's love for you then?
I'm too sober to answer it.
Well, love is something that binds two people forever.
It's not called love but land-ownership.
I want to dance.
So do we.
How did you dare to compare love to land-ownership! Very fumy.
It was Michelle's idea. She did it for a reason.
She just asked you a simple question.
You know I love you.
I won't yell about it with people around.
Why? Why not?
You know me. It makes me stressed whenever I talk about it.
I just wanted you to admit it.
How?
Everything is perfect: Perfect life, perfect marriage, perfect love.
What's wrong about it?
Take a look at my parents or brother and Genevieve.
Let me congratulate you the family. I did not have a model to simulate.
My father left, my brother sleeps with guys, and my sister's a wacko.
I'm having the best time of my life right now
and you're not helping me at all.
- What am I supposed to tell you? - Tell me what you're doing here.
Why do you love me? Declare your love.
"Declare your love?"
And then you'll be satisfied?
Okay, I'll declare you my love - but first take a seat for my declaration will be very exciting.
You may even find yourself upset, crying.
I can be emotional as well, goddamn it! Okay, let's start.
What's love?
It's tiny, simple matters. Wonderful feeling. And happiness.
Okay!
Love is like...
Tell me only one thing.
Can you imagine your life without me?
Why do you want to marry me then?
- Because... - Because what?
Because... we've won the competition.
And everybody came: Family, friends...
If Claire had not applied us, wouldn't you want to marry me?
I don't know.
Oh, you don't know...
Sometimes I get that strange feeling that you're ashamed of me.
Stop that.
Why did you connect them?
There's no way we're ever going to disconnect them before the arrival of chambermaid.
We won't play fools all week long.
Don't forget to give him the medicine.
Mom's on the phone. Felix's fine.
But don't let him forget to give him the medicine.
Felix? Yes, honey, we'll bring you the present.
Hug him for me.
Is that Fluffy I can hear in the background?
Can you hand him over the receiver?
- Fluffy?
- Who's the good daddy's dog? - Who's the mommy's doggy?
Fluffy?
He hung up the phone.
English-speaking Canadians have got a great cuisine.
More or less, it always reminds you of some kind of food.
Did you have a good sleep?
Here you are!
Good day.
- How's it going? - Great.
- Tomorrow's the big day. - Are you stressed?
It's not that bad. We're feeling somewhat... happy.
Just like two prisoners.
Kiss him! Kiss him!
Take a photo.
For young couple's health.
I wish you a great wedding and wonderful living together.
And a spectacular divorce.
Superb! Superb!
I'd like to thank everyone for coming here with us.
Take a photo.
What I wanted to tell you is that...
Nicolas and I broke up. The wedding's cancelled.
Don't take a photo.
- What happened? - We're sorry.
- Jules, tell me it's not true. - Looks serious.
- My legs got numb. - Calm down, mom.
I should walk a little but I can't feel my legs.
You can't do that.
Do whatever you wanted to do today and have good fun.
Now that's a surprise.
I told you right after leaving the room that I was sensing something.
- You did not. - Try to remember.
I'd love to eat a waffle.
Oh well, I thought I had told you. Anyway I thought of it.
- And you wanted a speech! - Maybe it's all my fault?
That's not my point.
- Hey. - I can't get an erection.
Shit happens.
- We've got to talk. I'm not getting married. - Damn, you never know your luck. Or bad luck.
I don't know what's going on.
I'm trying to assure her somehow but I can't.
It's my first time, man. I'm crazy about that girl.
- Oh well, I'd better get going then. - No, it's just an erection.
- You sure? - Yes. Hang on, I'll get dressed.
Get a break. I want to be alone, anyway.
If it weren't the erection, then - you know...
I know. Don't worry.
I'm not surprised anyway.
Here - imagine it's Nicolas. It'll make you feel better.
You don't have to, really.
You son of a bitch! You should be castrated with a rusty can opener!
I hate you! I'll kill you! You two-legged cock!
And put down the goddamned closet tray!
See?
- Only not them! - What's going on?
- Did you get scared? - No... It has just turned out this way.
- Tell us what happened. - Nothing! We're simply not getting married.
I don't know what to think about it!
Two families travel with you to the edge of the world
and the day before the wedding you simply say that there's not going to be any party at all!
I don't want to talk about it. Can't you respect that?
Of course. We just want you to be happy. We don't care about the wedding.
Do you mind if I clean your room?
It's not our room. My brother's room is over there.
It was the... his and her cuter wife but they said they did not to get married.
- Stupid. - That's so terrible!
- Thank you for your discretion. - It's only her that I told about it.
Hey Mary! Do you know that cute couple at nine ten? Their wedding is off!
- Whose wedding is off? - My brother-in-law's.
Lizzie, come here.
- This guy just dumped his wife. - He did not, they just cancelled their wedding.
Stupid.
- How do you feel, honey? - What happened?
- Everything's fine. Thank you. - You sure?
Where's Nicolas?
You know him. I guess he's watching the TV.
Dr. Spock's adventures in that spaceship of his.
You probably meant Mr. Spock. Dr. Spock is a pediatrician.
Mr. Spock is a Volcano working for Captain Kirk.
I'm just straightening up things.
What would Nicolas do in a pediatrician's space ship? What's going on here?
What's the matter with her?
We should think about we're going to tell people after coming back.
- She's pregnant! - It's just nerves.
It'll make her feel better.
I'm not feeling very well.
You feeling better, Florence? Bend over!
Try to imagine yourself looking at somebody yawning.
- You can't do that to us! - Talk to us!
- There's nothing to be discussed. - And calm down.
- Right! - Silence!
- Everybody calm down. - h my family that's how calmness looks like!
- I am calm! - Don't use that tone!
- How come you can do something like that to your mother?! - Stop that! All right, mom?
All right.
- It's terribly embarrassing. - Don't worry. It's nerves.
For example top-models vomit all the time. That's an evidence of them following the fashion.
I'm sorry. I'd better go to my place.
I feel... the fashion coming in the window.
And then I said: Because we've won the competition.
- Are you stupid? - You should have declared your love!
- Doubts are nothing unusual. - How do you know?
Whether I'm gay or not - it doesn't mean anything.
She didn't mean that.
You don't know what I meant! Nobody knows! Even I don't!
All we want is your happiness, right?
There's no rush when talking about marriage.
You're a woman.
You're insane!
Claire was trying to distinctly tell you
that you should not have been so rash.
- It's okay to be scared. - It's a serious decision.
You're probably not ready.
No one's ever completely ready!
Do you love him?
Do you love her!
Yes!
I'm going!
- He said he loved her. - Florence did too!
Turn on loud speaker.
She loves him too. Well, maybe you can actually come to an agreement!
Nicolas nodded! What about Florence?
Nicolas is trying to do his best.
Is there something he could do or say to her that would make her change her mind?
She nodded. There's still hope.
What are you talking about!? She only wants you to declare your love to her!
- Leave me alone. - She did not ask you for your kidney!
You can't give up now!
You're really tedious!
Florence, we don't care about your mood swings! Do you know what's the problem?
You're in love and you wanted to get married.
Instead of acting like a frightened queen,
think of those who came for you both from all over the country!
I want that wedding to take place, is that clear?
You'll put the wedding skirt tomorrow, or we'll force you do to so, and say "yes"
and then we'll throw a handful of confetti in your face and dance samba!
Yes, I took samba lessons although I'm not boasting of it.
To tell the truth, I was poor at it!
And why did I do it? Because you were supposed to get married!
- No, no, no! I'm trying to get some air. - We'll go with you.
- I want to be alone. I need some entertainment. - Was that "Entertainment" you said?
- He did. - We'll show you what entertainment means!
- What are you doing? - I'm drawing conclusions from this weekend.
You take all the things from the left column, I take everything from the right one.
Florence's relationship is passing through a crisis.
Can't we put off our tiny problems for later?
Sister's issues touch you and our divorce does not?
- Don't say it so loudly, walls have ears. - And I've got Volvo.
Don't be so prosaic.
Do our all shared moments mean so little to you?
Think of how much we have got through:
Felix's birth, journeys, your liposuction...
Take a look inside your heart. What can you see there?
- A Volvo. - Where does that haste come from?
I can't waste my time any longer. I'm 38 and I've got lots of energy.
I look very good, men tend to look round at me.
I'm sorry. I didn't want to end it like this.
- Are you all right? - She's got a stomachache.
Liar! We're getting divorced!
- Did you see it? - Now that's what I call frothed!
Incredible!
Why didn't you say anything?
He wanted to right after we would have set everything up.
Our marriage was successful so our divorce will succeed as well.
If our marriage was successful we wouldn't be taking a divorce now.
Can you see those people in the yellow? Let's go!
Come on, mom!
Mom, take out your hand!
At least it won't drench us.
She got her all tangled up!
Mom!
Mom, breathe!
We will certainly have stories to tell.
- We need to take you back to the hotel. - I don't get it!
- I want house as well. - Take it.
It's capacious, it's good a very good location...
- And hall furniture. - No problem.
And the bowl, piano and that porcelain fruit bowl.
I hate the bowl, I don't play the piano and the bowl is broken.
- You can keep the arm-chair. - Fine.
- You wanted him? Well, then you're not getting it. - Take it then.
- I'll burn it. - Burn it.
- And then I'll give you it back. - As you wish.
What do you think, Nicolas? I've got an idea...
We'll have a combined message "Niagara Falls, Ontario".
Whenever people ask me where I'd been, I'll take out my Niagara Falls shirt.
- And I'll take out my Ontario. - Niagara Falls in Ontario!
They've got one joined brain.
- Just like if we had bought them together. - Because you did buy them together!
- You should change your attitude. - You'd better get yourself a shirt.
I DON'T KNOW THEM.
I'm hungry.
If you don't want your spouse to feel attacked
start all your sentences from "I".
I hate him!
- Let's go eat some Chinese food. - I want a steak!
I've already told you I could not eat Chinese cuisine - it's sweetened.
You know about my problems with sugar level! Why don't you have apples in your pockets?
Yeah, yell at a sick person! I should carry a caring husband in my pocket!
She's got to eat something pretty quick or else she'll get pretty nasty.
Will that change anything?
Felix, now.
- Poor darling. It's not going to be easy. - Did you think how to solve it?
You'll take it for weekends every two weeks.
Fine.
- Is that all? - Yes.
- I don't understand anything. - And you won't.
You're young, cute, intelligent and you make me angry.
I'm done.
Gaston prepared something for you.
I wrote a love declaration for you.
That'll solve your problem. You don't have to take it but...
- You wrote that declaration? - All I had to do was to think about Claire.
Notice how I pronounce it.
- Don't laugh. - All right, I'm listening.
Florence, that's my love declaration.
You're as beautiful as a sunset.
I love you.
I can be silly, unimportant, ugly, clumsy only when you're next to me
and I'd like to thank you for that.
I don't know how I had managed to survive before I met you - there had been nothing but emptiness before you.
I beg you to stay - listen to me,
let me hug you and put your head on my shoulder.
During a couple of months you redesigned the map of my territory.
A swamp that used to drag me is now dry.
My roads, that up to now had been spread all over the world,
are now centered in you.
A hill that had been my observation point
grew like Mount Everest and I can see all the world from it.
And it is you who is my world.
You know, it's a little bit...
- Did you like it, Claire? - Or else? I'm his world.
I'd love to believe in that.
- Maybe Florence would like it as well. - I hope so.
I bet she would be delighted. Did you take it from a book?
- No way! - You sure?
It's really good.
It's stupid enough for her to believe that I might have actually written it.
Let's go back to the hotel.
Oh momma!
- Don't utter a word! That would kill them. - No worries.
- Feeling better, daughter? - Yes.
Really?
- What happened? - Genevieve didn't feel well.
- Nothing serious. - I'm slowly regaining my consciousness.
- Want some water, mom? - I'd love some.
We were just saying that we had been given surprisingly comfortable rooms.
Mom, drink.
We're getting divorced with Bernard.
Don't worry, mom. The divorce will be conciliatory.
Asshole!
You're as beautiful as a sunset. I love you.
No! You said it as if you had not really meant it!
- You're as beautiful as a sunset. - Much better.
All right: I love you.
No! I love you!
- It's not that difficult, is it? - Right. Let's give it a break.
It may prove helpful to you if you try to visualize the whole act.
- I don't feel like it. - Let's close our eyes, breathe deeply...
- I completely don't feel like it. - Come on!
Imagine that you're on a meadow and you start running towards Florence.
It's Spring, flowers have just blossomed...
- Florence has a hay fever. - Give yourself up to the climate!
I give up!
You turn towards her, look straight into her eyes...
It's the most wonderful woman in the whole world.
Her every gesture is filled with charm.
What's that stupid costume for?
Have some respect for my imagination! Tell Florence that you love her!
Florence, I love you.
I have never seen something so beautiful in my life!
What are you doing here?! You were supposed to come in a chariot!
Just like if I was trying to get stoned at Barbie's.
Florence should learn how to make compromises.
That's right. But I understand her sometimes. If you start to doubt your partner's feelings...
What're you talking about?
You're distanced towards me amongst people. Like if you were afraid I'd touch you.
Do you really doubt my love?
Yes.
Come.
- We're looking for Robert's family. - They're not here.
So I'll tell you. I want all of you to know it:
I'm crazy about Robert.
We don't give a shit.
Let's go.
Where do you think you're going?
- I'll look like an asshole. - No way!
There they are!
I wanted to tell you that I love Robert.
Superb!
Nobody cares.
Florence, I'd like to tell you something...
- Florence? She's gone to the airport. - To the airport?!
Open the door!
How do you open these doors?!
They're not working!
What are you doing?
- What are you doing here? - I wanted to stop you.
We came for the suitcases.
Parents had some rockmen's baggage.
I wanted to tell you something. I wrote it down so that I didn't forget it.
Florence, here's my declaration of love. You're as beautiful as a sunset.
I love you.
During a couple of months you redesigned the map of my territory.
A swamp that used to drag me is now dry.
My roads are now centered in you.
A hill that had been my observation point
grew like Mount Everest and I can see all the world from it.
And it is you who is my world.
Hi!
- I've got an erection! - I can see.
We finally came to an understanding with Florence. Want to go with us for a drink?
Hang on, I'll ask Lara.
- Maybe later? - Right.
Bar will be opened anyway. I'll drop by soon.
- We shouldn't. They'll catch us. - Right, those local people are quite of principle.
If they catch you bathing after 9 o' clock
then they'll search you, kick you, put into a barrel and throw into the waterfall.
- Don't make so much noise. - But it's exciting.
- You've got to risk sometimes in life. - I do risk.
You?
Chicken!
- What are you doing? - I'm swimming.
- Like an old idiot. - That's not true! I'm a great swimmer.
Thanks God I found it out before the wedding.
What would it be if you were to teach our children how to swim?
Come to the water.
- I don't have the costume on me. - You don't need one.
Honey, there's so many things that still intrigue me in you.
For example?
For example: What was the reason you threw your slips to the water filter?
Ah shit!
Hey! You! Get out of the pool!
Why didn't I bring my camera along?
My watch blocked the water filter.
Is there a problem?
There's a naked Frenchman stuck in the filter.
I can help. I do speaking French.
- You really don't have to. - I do speaking!
Get away from the pool. I don't want you to see my dick, I don't like it.
And you don't speak French at all!
You really surprised me today at the airport.
You said it so beautifully.
These were just words. I'll show you the real declaration tonight.
Yes?
I must have mistaken the doors.
What happened?
You should talk about it.
I have not been meeting Bernard for half a year.
Surprised?
Genevieve didn't suspect anything.
She thought she had a weak libido. And he was insatiable.
It was a very intense relationship.
I put out my tooth when I hit bed bolster at the motel.
We did nearly everything: We tied each other, hit with a riding-whip...
Have you ever had sex with someone in a scenic railway?
It's really fun.
I held myself to a metal handrail
and he ordered me to sing with a low voice, like a hunting horn.
With every passing lift I felt my ovaries coming to my ears.
I screamed: "More! More!"
And he, as his orgasm was coming closer and closer, yelled in Latin.
Until one day he finally told me that he couldn't keep on laying to Genevieve any longer.
I understood.
But now, when I'm gone, he's leaving her!
I tied Gaston once too.
It was then that we discovered that he has very erogenous nipples.
- We were surprised. - I can imagine.
Thank you for confiding in me.
I'll show you something. I know I shouldn't but I can't stop myself.
Nicolas told this to Florence at the airport.
Just imagine the fact that Gaston wrote this masterpiece...
thinking of me.
Florence is going to get married tomorrow, thinking it was Nicolas...
Oh no, I won't let her engage in a relationship based on lies.
They'll get married anyway, it's already set up.
If I don't tell her and she finds out, what will she think about me as her friend?
Do you really think that Gaston and I are not discreet at all?
Michelle.
Just imagine - with Bernard, Florence's brother.
But at least the conversation helped her.
I'm not surprised. You're so nice for everyone.
- A real angel. - Wise guy.
You're tickling me!
- Disgusting liar! - I did what you wanted me to do!
It's not about you doing what I want.
I behave as usual - no good.
I behave the way you want me to behave - no good as well.
Maybe you can finally tell me what's the real problem?
I don't want you to simulate. It should come from you.
Everything I've done up to now does not count?
- You have no idea about love. - That's it. I don't have.
I don't know anything. What I know is that I can't give you anything more.
Nobody will give you anything more.
You've got a prepared picture in your mind
and if somebody doesn't fit in then good-bye!
You don't care about anything. You behave just like a teenager.
Now that's something new.
How would you call a guy who is getting married just because he's won a competition?
Who declaims a declaration of love to his fiancé, written by his brother-in-law?
I'd call him a lucky guy
because he managed to avoid the worst mistake of his life.
- Nice to hear that. - Well, now there's two of us.
What are you doing here?
Florence asked me to switch the beds.
- We've got nothing against it. - But I have! I'm naked.
How are you today?
Good day.
It's kind of... stupid to tell you but...
there's no wedding going to take place.
I've already told them.
And I wanted to tell you that there's going to be a wedding today.
- Dimitrey and I are getting married. - There's going to be a wedding? I'm so touched.
Men are getting married and my children are not able to persist
a heterosexual relationship.
It's not only about persistence.
You also have to know how to respect somebody good enough to know when there should be an ending.
It requires a lot of maturity.
Isn't it?
- I'm taking Fluffy. - What?
- Fluffy's staying with me. - What is Fluffy?
- The ugliest dog on Earth. - Fluffy is mine.
- I also brought him up. - That's blackmailing.
Dog should stay home with Felix.
- Be wise. - Wise?
Do you think it's easy for me? I'm 38!
I know it's not. That's why we should keep respecting each other.
- I don't give a fuck about your respect! - I asked you for something.
Fuck you!
You didn't even flinch when I asked you for divorce!
You didn't do a single thing to stop me! But Fluffy is something way more important!
You're lucky I make your life easier.
Besides Fluffy will feel better at my place.
You're not going to waste his life.
This dog deserves something more than just a passionless vegetation.
He needs a life companion that's not afraid of feelings.
Fluffy's got dreams and I'm not going to let you trample them.
It's a mature dog and he should not have an impotent master.
You're insane! You old witch!
- You're heartless. - I am.
But your happiness is really important for me.
Do you think I'm going to live happily, watching you live alone with a skin
that's soon going to lose its firmness and with hair, lacking glitter?
That I'm happy about the fact, that in few years you're going to be
an old woman with a young lover that everybody's laughing at?
It doesn't. But...
...you're not going to take away my dog!
You're ridiculous. It's no wonder owing to the family you have.
- She's not bad. - And you - shut up!
At least I didn't sleep with a friend of my own sister!
What is he saying? What friend? What sister? I don't understand.
I do understand. You pig!
- Calm down. - Shut up, you queer!
What?
- You're a queer! - I don't know what they're talking about.
All right, I yielded to temptation. Bernard and I had a romance.
- She's exaggerating. - You asshole!
Excuse me - my son is not an asshole.
I've got a lover as well!
Now I did not expect such news.
Mom!
Don't beset your mother. I've known about it for years.
It's a lovely boy.
Breathe deeply - it'll help you.
Feeling better?
I'm sorry you had to find it out in such a way but - to tell the truth - it's a great relief for me.
- How long has it been like that? - Not long. Five years or so
- Oh no, longer. - Well, maybe I 0- I 2.
- I 3. - Wow, that long?
It's all began in I 988. I left with Lucie for a weekend.
With aunt Lucie?
To tell the truth she's not your aunt.
How come?
I'd rather call her a friend of the family. Father's, to be exact.
A very... close friend.
- Hi, I wanted... - Nicolas!
She's...
I don't know...
Well, never mind.
Forget about all your problems and come to our wedding.
We should first check whether there is a free term.
A man getting married to a man - that's future.
I won't ask you: "What are you thinking about, honey??"
Two human beings bound for the rest of the life
who simultaneously don't think about anything.
I'm down.
Number seven!
Good afternoon.
- We would like to get married. - Oh, no problem. Two weddings at the same time.
That's very good since most of the chapels are already booked for the weekend.
No, no! We want to get married.
When hell freezes! Over! Number eight!
Sir? I mean: What the problem?
You'd like to know what the problem is? I'll tell you what the problem is. It's against the law, God, and nature.
Against nature? Goddamn you!
Did you take a look at those people? He could have been her grandparent.
And these guys are probably from the same family.
And is that supposed to be closer to the nature? Now translate!
Please!
We've been together for I 0 years!
I respect marriage more than all the people gathered here!
I even tried to learn samba, although I was poor at it - because my brother was supposed to get married!
Number eight.
- They're idiots. Stop it. - They're stupid to think so.
Why are you so keen on getting married?
Use the fact that you don't have to.
You're gay, I'd love to be gay too.
No obligations.
If you weren't to sleep with men, I'd make a great queer myself.
Relax. We're not recruiting.
I like that as well.
Did you like it as much as I did?
We should have done it a long time ago.
How do you feel?
Not counting the murmur in my ears - fine.
- Do you have a headache? - No.
It's just an echo of explosion my balloon had made
when it exploded right into my face.
There are no perfect couples. You've got to reconcile love with life.
You probably think that we are a bunch of assholes?
Three of your children: A hysteric, gay and 30-year-old juvenile.
Just remember that Claire and Gaston or even Robert and Dimitrey are happy.
You're right, they've got their problems but they love each other.
I think I also love Florence.
Nah, it's not that I think - I know it. I like being with her.
This is the only girl I could ever get married to.
I know that it was hard to tell, looking at the last days
but don't blame Florence for everything.
It is me who should explain her that I love her... but in my own way.
Maybe not like it's written in the fairy-tales but...
I love her the way I love her, you know.
It's high-time I told her that. Just don't try to stop me!
Last time she was vomiting at the restaurant.
Come with us to the dummy museum.
I've got to find her. I'd like to sue for her hand again.
Our term is in I,5 hour. We're going to make it.
What are you going to tell her?
It's between me and Florence, I'm sorry.
If you're not ready, then I'd rather see wax Madonna!
Wait. I won't find her by myself.
We'd love to help you, but taking your last achievements into account...
Gaston read you my declaration of love.
I can't tell you. It's embarrassing.
Nah! I've known you from a baby.
It's too intimate. It's none of your business.
More intimate than a shitty napkin?
Eh, you! All right, I'll tell you.
- But don't make any comments about it. - Sure.
- I'm serious. - So are we.
I'm going to be honest. Firstly I'm going to tell her I can't live without her.
Good beginning.
- I'm not saying anything. - You just did.
You can't be silent, can you?
I'm going to say:
Florence, I love you.
And I'd love to see us getting married.
Just don't ask me to compare my love to a sunset.
I'm not a poet.
Last time I asked for your hand the words were not mine but the rest was.
I was as honest as never before in my entire life.
I won't tell you that the way the others tend to do
but if you reject my offer I won't die; I'll keep on living.
I'll go back home, to work - so will you.
I'll still be eating, sleeping, looking at nice girls.
But some things will never be the same.
I won't be able to watch some movies, listen to our music...
I can live without you
but I want to live with you.
I love you
and I want us to get married.
I hope you won't reject me.
I've never heard anything as beautiful as this in my life!
- Will she like it? - I'd marry you at this instance.
- Doesn't it sound silly? - Not at all.
Try her family. She may be with them. We're going to check downstairs.
- Do you have some handkerchiefs on you? - Yes. Stop crying.
I'm stupid.
No - but I'm starting to cry because of you.
- Did you hear how much he loves her? - Oh yes, sure he does.
It's good we came here.
- Where are we going? - We've got to look for her downstairs.
- For whom? - Florence.
Mrs. Despins?
I'm looking for my fiancé, Florence.
I'm sorry but I don't speak French.
You know... go shit!
Excuse me, Sir, you ever seen this girl in this picture?
- No. - Are you sure?
Look, lady, I already said: No. Now get that picture out of my face.
Hey, you're gonna look at that fucking picture or I'll punch you in that fucking little face!
She's a hypoglycemic.
Gaston, it's Florence!
- Nicolas wants to get married again! - Are you sure?
- What's going on? - Nicolas wants to get married.
Again?
- Where is he? - He's looking for you.
He's waiting. He wants to talk with you.
He thought everything over.
We're going to wait in your room. This time it's going to be good.
I hope so.
- He wants to tell you something wonderful. - Did he tell you?
I didn't want to hear it but Gaston insisted.
Something wonderful, you'll see.
Such a touching, creative confession...
To sum up he's going to tell you that he can live without you.
Excuse me?
But in the whole context it sounds beautifully.
And he's going to tell you that if you reject him he won't die but...
he loves you and wants to marry you.
He was so defenseless while saying it.
I mean when he was telling that to you.
My bad. Let him say it or else I'm not going to forgive myself!
I've been looking for you for half an hour.
You want to marry me but you won't die if I reject your offer because you can live without me?
Now that's so romantic!
Do you understand what I'm talking to you?
That I can live without you but I'd love to be with you for the rest of my life.
Can you imagine how much I must be in love?
Finally they got married.
We had 45 minutes to inform the others and change the clothes.
If they hadn't got married back then it would have never ended.
Let's hurry or we'll be late.
There's always time to take a photo. Gaston!
Nothing's wrong.
- Isn't my veil too long? - I can't see it.
It's like everything's against her.
As if it wanted to check her ability to make compromises.
Excuse me.
- You're too late. - Impossible!
And we're booked for the weekend.
- What did he say? - That they've got booked weekend.
Hold on. There is one chapel they've always got room.
It's nothing.
Here we are again.
- Welcome. - Every compromise has its limitations.
We may accept a ruined chapel and a stained wedding skirt
but a drunk pastor - that's too much!
Let's think about the positives.
We're healthy.
By the power given to me, by the will of these two, now...
He won't budge.
- Dropped dead. - But that's not the ending.
A wedding was so important for us that nothing could prevent us from having it.
Don't push when I exhale the air!
Let me see, I'm a dentist.
Nothing can be done.
- Are you sure he's dead? - Yes.
Journey to the Niagara Falls turned out to be a disaster.
At least they've had a good wedding night.
If anybody's interested our dog died.
- It was poisoned by our son. - But now we are happier.
That's my guy!
They're coming!
I don't think that journey to Niagara Falls was a disaster.
I even think that without this journey
Nicolas and Florence would have not been together now.
Besides, there is someone who would not have been here as well. Take a look.
It's Jeremy. He's sweet, isn't he?
We went to Niagara Falls I 8 months ago.
If you do the math, you'll understand
why Florence vomited everywhere.
It's so romantic.
And he's to be eaten!
Claire, we want to see him as well!
They want to see the young one.
Wait!
I guess it's high-time. Mom?
The last words are yours.
They're not going to make it for more than two years.
Okay, it's over now! Over!
DIRECTED BY:
SCENARIO:
STARRING:
PHOTOS:
MUSIC:
Do you speak French? I used to speak French.
Ripped by: SkyFury